Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
