dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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