PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
