OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
