The maid of honor just puked.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
