so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
