I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize