how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
someone owes me an orgasm
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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