he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
