New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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