You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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