last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize