she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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