Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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