Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
