At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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