Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
