Little spoons don't ask big questions
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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