Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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