I want to have your abortion
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
