I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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