I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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