ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
