I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
