so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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