My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize