What did we do last night that was yellow?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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