I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
