And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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