either way he was missing a nipple.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We are all done wearing pants today
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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