I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize