he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
