she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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