dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
