I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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