Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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