I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
