So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
