jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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