I love black thongs
If that was your dad, he is hot
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
