I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
