I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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