I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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