Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
