It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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