so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
