I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
