She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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