We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
