Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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