I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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