Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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