Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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