And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
