Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
