your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
