just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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