dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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