How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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