doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
