the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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