I just cut my nipple shaving
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
