If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
