Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
