I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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