whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
