Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
