every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's never too late to be topless.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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