Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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