Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
