Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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