It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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