All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
