i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
