does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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