Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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