friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
