sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
