Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
